I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the neatest person on the campus of life. And although I try to make the most of my free time keeping "le pad du bachelor" at least moderately habitable, sometimes other commitments (Star trek marathons, frisbee football, napping) prevent me from performing the necessary routine cleaning maintenance. When that happens, the filth factor can rise exponentially.

You know where this leads. Fruit flies, unidentifiable smells, and crustification (dishes, surfaces, carpets, floors, etc.). When melted cheese has bonded to your kitchen counter like an organic resin, you know you've let things slide too far.

In these circumstances heavy-duty intervention is often required. That usually means Mom, so be prepared for the accompanying lectures on your cleanliness, your choice of friends, (including girlfriend if applicable), and your study/work habits.

If you can do without mom's cleaning superpowers, invest heavily in bleach, the cheap Wal-Mart no-name stuff. Discounting the environmental consequences, bleach is your friend. Bleach will solve (by solve I mean kill) all your cleaning woes. The smells inside the garbage can: gone. Those rings in the toilet bowl: kiss them goodbye (no...don't do that). Bleach is the miracle chemical that will save your apartment from falling into the third circle of cleaning hell.

Airing-out is an important part of this cleaning equation. Oh sure, the smell of bleach will let everyone know that your pad has been disinfected, but you'll be weeping up a storm with those fumes wafting throughout. Be sure to crack the windows open, and ventilate. A bleach high is a bad high.

I realize that you have more important things you'd rather be doing, like watching those three videotapes of Dexter's Laboratory cartoons, but at least use a moderate amount of time preventing your apartment from getting too dirty. You can save a lot of time and energy if you keep your bachelor life simple, and avoid excess. Follow my simple guidelines, as I've laid out in previous articles, and you'll never need to break out the heavy cleaning guns. Keep in mind the simple rules, liking eating your dinner over your balcony railing, and you'll guarantee yourself a smooth-running bachelor lifestyle.