Not only does my roommate listen to ABBA at all hours of the night, he blares the stereo as loud as it can go. How do I deal with this Swedish torture?
Deaf In Duluth
Dear Deaf,
Umm...first of all, ABBA is a super-group, which means that you have no right to question your roommate's choice to crank up "Fernando" to the limit of the stereo's volume capacity. If you really can't rock to those sweet Swedish sounds, I suggest that you borrow your sister's turntable and her My Little Pony headphones, and drown out the sound by listening to her old Bon Jovi albums.
Failing that, you can always make home-made earplugs using pre-chewed Hubba Bubba and wax paper.
Bachelop Tips 
